running away as usual | amicawinters's Blog

              This blog is sadly becoming my default for like....EVERYTHING, kind of like right now when i am supposed to be doing something i'v been putting off for a while and yet i am here writing about how bored i am. When i first started doing this blog thing i wanted it to be about 2 weeks apart each post and now its like (on my best day's) 2 post's a week and that is not a good think. It just makes me even more of a procrastinator then i already am , so i really should not be here writing what ever i am about to write. But here we go anyways. So what i wanted to write about is my contentment with my life at this moment. I have not made peace with it nor am i in any way happy with my life currently but i am content and as much as i would wish for that to mean something big it sadly does not.
              My contentment with any thing around me is tragically to common for my comfort, manly because it just show's a side of me that i don't very much like about myself.The side of me that's way to lay back and compromises way to much without putting up much of a fight to begin with, i just HATE that side of me. Now granted that my lay back "nature" would suggest that i am some what of a peaceful person and while that is a good think. It can also get me in to danger when the time for fighting come's and i'm just to content to do what needs to be done.
                I would hate for there to come a day when i needed to fight in order to defend my morals and my calm attitude towards the world just give's in before the fight even begins. That would be a very dark day for me, i am a loosed person as it is so holding on to what little morels i have is a very big deal for me and this attitude that i have picked up is threatening that. So me now, being this okay with the fact that i only get to step out side once a week just so that i can go to church where i don't even understand the language the preacher is preaching in. Is beyond not okay and yet there is hardly anything i can do about any of that with out having to literary stand up and fight.