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what my insides read as | amicawinters's Blog


         This is a look onto something that not many will ever understand but most who do may be made better or worse (depending on what they do at the time that this happens to them) because of it .

I'm in love with my inner black hole. 
She is my down fall.,
and yet i can never look away when she smiles. 
Her lips looking up to the skip.
Sending me words of love and admiration. 
While at the same time wanting to drown me within her. 
I lose the soul that i have become, 
in my many less successful methods of evading her. 
Her pull is just to intoxicating. 
Playing to my weakness of familiarity.  
Trapping me in my own self sorrow.  
Cradling me as i sobb myself to sleep within her arms.
Yet i am smitten,
and i don't know why.
Not a single reason as to why i find her to irresistible. 
She is perfection throw my foggy eye's.
I can see the blood that overwhelm's her. 
Can see the forever darkness that is her. 
She is my end and i have known that from the vary start, 
but her touch. 
As cold and loveless as they may be., 
i crave to the point of sickness.
Her very warmth, 
that she is beyond incapable of producing,  
i loss my self in within the first contact.
This is a tainted kind of wanting. 
Splattered with all that call's upon death, 
and revel in her beauty.
This need for one another that i'v always know to be unhealthy. 
Is in fact all that i have ever knowing.
When it come's to needing and being with someone, 
with living some where,
with experiencing something, 
or even just breathing like everyone else.
Its the pain that come's with her loving yet disastrous embrace. 
She is the back hole that has made its home within my being,
and all i wish is to be engulfed within her some day.
To just simply die one day. 
falling into her forever grasp of me. 
I want the feeling to last, 
rather or not its suicide to my existence. "
  
         It's a little what go's on in my head when i a beyond the wall of "my own self sorrow  and a little of what my feeling would look like if they were worlds. Simply put, its what my brain's depiction of my need to always feel like i am slowly killing myself from the inside with the only feeling (rather dark feelings)that i have ever really known.

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Previous Posts
just a story that i wrote., posted April 3rd, 2013
new year resolution, posted December 29th, 2012, 2 comments
running away as usual, posted December 22nd, 2012
back to the real world, posted December 18th, 2012, 2 comments
what my insides read as, posted December 13th, 2012
an idea burning from within, posted December 12th, 2012
this week in my life, posted November 17th, 2012
i spoke to some one today., posted October 12th, 2012

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